I long for heaven with no dreams

It's really starting to annoy me that I repeatedly have anxious dreams about the same people. They rotate, but they're always the same, always old acquaintances with whom I no longer associate. "Why?" I ask myself. Why do certain people haunt me? I have no ill feelings toward them. Is it because the expectations were higher when I ran in their crowd? Is it because they expected more of me? Or is it that I expected more of myself? Or maybe that I felt inferior to them, and still do?

These things trouble me, and cripple me. I dread sleeping because I know my dreams will torture me. I want nothing more in life than to escape my past, to be free of its disappointments. But freedom cannot be attained in this life. We are bound by flesh to our mistakes, wrapped up in them like a corpse in a coffin with no chance of escape. It could well be that hell is being forever bound to our memories and heaven is being released from them. I long for heaven with no dreams.