The first of many

Monday, Feb. 9, 2015,

I turn 59 in four days. All day today, I’ve wondered how I should feel about this. I wonder if I’ll be any different if I make it to 69. This is my first attempt to write a journal, or a diary, if you will. If I have the opportunity to look back 10 years from now and read this, I wonder if I’ll be any different than I was 10 years ago, when I was nearing 49. But I really don’t remember how I felt then; at least, I’m not certain. I assumed I questioned many of the same things about my life then as I do now.

I walked Jack Smith Road today, as I try to do most days. As I did so, I thought of how I fear gaining weight and how I need to practice drums today in order to help me lose pounds because drumming is such good exercise. But then I remembered Saturday night when we visited Leslie’s friend, Melanie, and the great difficulty I had hearing the movie we watched at her house. Melanie knows I wear hearing aids, I believe she graciously turned her television’s volume up louder than normal because at times it seemed even too loud for me, as if it was almost distorting. But I still could not follow the movie’s dialogue well enough to keep up with the story line. At home, I always have the television’s closed-caption on, and even though I have blind spots in my vision, due to glaucoma, I have taught myself to move my eyes up and down very fast ( when I look at the closed-caption, I cannot see the people’s faces on the screen, and when I look at the faces, I cannot see the closed-caption ). But by the rapid eye movement, I am generally able to understand the dialogue. As the old saying goes, people hear what they see. And because I can usually see the caption, I think I can hear the dialogue; but nights such as last Saturday are a painful reminder that I cannot.

I probably knew this at age 49, too, but I haven’t wanted to accept it; I suppose because I’ve wanted to keep drumming. After all, drumming provided a great supplement to my income for several years of my life. And, as always we are in great want of money. But as I walked the road today, I thought that should forget drumming and pursue writing; and on this day, four days prior to my 59^th birthday, I thought that it would be a good idea to start a journal, or a diary of sorts; that way, if I live to be few years older, I can look back and see if I stayed the course. Of if, as usual, I fell victim to my lust for money and the accolades that drumming provides and went back to what I do best, which is of course drumming. After all, I started drumming professionally when I was 11. I only started writing in my mid to late 30s. But I want to hear my grandchildren years from now, and their children if I am that long for this life. So, here I sat, making my first entry into my journal. 

PS

I shall not post every entry on this blog because I hope to be completely open about life in this journal.