Either Or

Now that I have convictions, I have no companions. For the life of me, I cannot decide whose company is the loneliest.

A new day

After reading my last entry, I've decided to change. No more looking back, no more trying to find myself, no more wondering what I should be doing. From now on, I'm just going to do; going to be whatever I am at the moment.

Just before posting this, I read a quote by the Dalai Lama that reinforced my new attitude.

"The most important benefit of patience consists in the way it acts as a powerful antidote to the affliction of anger - the greatest threat to our inner peace, and therefore our happiness. The mind, or spirit, is not physical, it cannot be touched or harmed directly. Only negative thoughts and emotions can harm it. Therefore, only the corresponding positive quality can protect it."

Lost

I can no longer move. My heart is froze with fear. I have faced the evil that lies within and it frightens me.

There's nothing more tragic than a man who has lost his way; who can no longer trust his heart to find it. Should I speak of myself as tragic? It is a sad state of affairs that I do . I am lost in a forest, hiding behind each tree is danger. I am afraid to walk on and afraid to stand still, not knowing what sort of beast is lurking just out of sight to prey on me.

Once, a long time ago, I was on a path. I knew where I was going and I knew the way home. Now, I am lost.

The Last Of Our Days

At one time or another we all ask ourselves how we will spend the last of our days. Will they come in springtime? Will the smell of honeysuckle and the sound of birds chirping fill the air? Will you look to see a grandchild running off into your woods, or watch the cattle move slowly across the field? Though we speak of it not to our neighbors the thought plagues us daily, if not hourly. But we come to terms to with it; we know it must come. And in some odd way, we look forward to it; the end of strife; the end of struggle. Somehow we think that if there is something beyond, it must be restful. Occasionally, we breathe a sigh of relief, knowing it will come and that we don’t have to arrange it; we don’t have to send out the invitations or double check the guest list; we don’t have to do anything but wait. And there’s some comfort in that. It’s one decision we don’t have to make.